The Pope Francis Little Book of Insults [Satire]

From Laurence England's most excellent blog, That The Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill, is his thoughtfully compiled satirical book [i.e. humorous, as in, a fanciful, not as yet commissioned work], The Pope Francis Little Book of Insults. Written the year of Pope Francis' election, it provides a tongue-in-cheek glimpse into the mind of the 266th Bishop of Rome. Below are just a few of the pontiff's best imagined put downs:

"Luscious cakes, sweet dainties. Delectable, but not real Christians!"

"Existential tourist!"

"Anesthetised Christian!"

"Christian hypocrites only interested in their formalities!"

"They disguise themselves, they disguise themselves as good people: they make themselves up like little holy cards, looking up at heaven as they pray, making sure they are seen—they believe they are more righteous than others, they despise others!"

"Sloth-diseased, acedic Christians!"

"I think of many Christians, of many Catholics: yes, they are Catholics, but without enthusiasm, even embittered!"

"They are people without light – real downers!"

"And how many Christians are like this?" he asked, "selfish, out for themselves."

"Christians who do not leave space for the grace of God – and the Christian life, the life of these people, consists in having all the paperwork, all the certificates, in order!”

"The theologian satisfied that his thought is complete and conclusive is mediocre."

"The theologian who does not pray and does not adore God ends up drowning in the most disgusting narcissism."

"This is an ecclesiastical sickness. The narcissism of theologians and thinkers does such harm; it’s disgusting."

"Your institutions are not machines for producing theologians and philosophers."

"There are Christian bats who prefer the shadows to the light of the presence of the Lord!"

"Starched Christians, too polite, who speak of theology calmly over tea!"

"We have heard of so many good Catholics, good Christians, friends and benefactors of the Church that – it has been revealed - acted for personal profit. They presented themselves as benefactors of the Church and made money on the side…”

"And in the Church there are climbers, people driven by ambition! There are many of them! But if you like climbing go to the mountains and climb them: it is healthier! Do not come to Church to climb!"

"A simple numerary in this sect!"

"Weathervanes! All of them!"

"Rotting in the heart, weak, weak to the point of rottenness! Gloomy in the heart!"

"Weak-hearted Christians!"

Prayer for the Holy Father Pope Francis

Almighty God, Shepherd and Ruler of all Thy faithful people, look mercifully upon Thy servant Pope Francis, whom Thou hast chosen as shepherd to preside over Thy Church. Grant him, we beseech Thee, that by his word and example, he may edify those over whom he hath charge, so that together with the flock committed to him, may he attain everlasting life. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.